OPEN IN APP  r/LyricalWriting u/bluejaysingApr 14, 2018, 4:37 PM [Lyrics] Dark Rap Update. Feedback is appreciated. Ive been dancing in the fire for one too many moments Misery’s in love with the company ive chosen Is the company of Tears, im swimming in an ocean of The salty tidal waves that i sing into a chorus   Chitty chitty bang bang Different city same pain Did he really? Will he think he wanna let his fangs hang so Low? My sickened heart is getting old dancing with the devil and hes stepping on my tippy toes   burning every cross i see and praying to the ashes Running through my mind like the thoughts are telepathic Everything i do is cause im breaking off the habits Of the feeling deep inside like my ribs are made of plastic   Spending every given day crawling through the mud Painting over every gaze you gave me with my blood Id waste away my whole life thinking were in love but its just a side effect of breathing venom in my lungs   Everything above, everything past her Dancing on the hills of the greenest of Pastures Everyone is gone caught in the rapture And everything I love are delusions of grandeur   Sailing seven seas till the sentiment is severing Sitting silently sucking poison through my gritted teeth Everyone is broken, everybody needed peace Even though I’m treading on a battlefield between my feet   Edit: formatting 2 Comments 5 haywhat • Apr 16, 2018, 1:59 AM Some cracking imagery here. Good use of sibilance in the last verse as well, although perhaps swap Sitting silently to silently just sitting to help with potential phrasing issues? 4th verse is banging, particularly like the last line. Bit confused about how the phrasing in the second verse goes? But overall very strong lyrics, nicely done. I also posted a rap on here called 'My first rap lyrics', i'd love any feedback you maybe had!! 1 BijouBijou610 • Apr 19, 2018, 4:37 PM I like this!!! Sometimes darkness brings forth light. Good job 1 Top Posts in r/LyricalWriting  [Lyrics] Big Mouth, Small Calcium Squares * Rough Jun 20, 2019 No Comments 3  [Lyrics] Untitled Jun 20, 2019 No Comments 0  New account. Not sure if I've posted this before. [Lyrics] Not for me Jun 18, 2019 No Comments 6  [Lyrics] A stupid rap for my dad on Father’s Day Jun 16, 2019 4 Comments 4  [Lyrics] Super Hot Dylan type Lyrics Jun 16, 2019 1 Comment 1 View more r/LyricalWriting posts Visit Community