fuck reality let me tell u how I really feel inside my heart and mind it's all fear unclear and still fading every day I catch myself concentrating to keep from the memories that made me where did I come from so many different questions and answers to many to talk about all ik is I believe in nothing right now been cast out of my own self letting people run me closer and closer to hell I dont wanna be the way they want me to look in the mirror squinting hard saying who is you smiling back at me most by life been so numb to see call me blind but its more than I cant see it's a void a big gap in the things I should a learned from years back from my mom and my dad imagine that that's why I'm here oh please take me back lord jesus please it's so hard to many people to try to please cant figure out what's right for me help me out this mess and im sure you'll see the best in me like u always have never left my side unlike these people on earth I feel like a burden to cant tell myself they care really if I wanted to so I got to do the thing the one thing u told me to trust in you and grace will hold me tight all the way through holding on only to you keep me in your bosom hold me tight till I can barely breathe every day been feeling like the death of me no body take the time to really see and so I see I gotta give up me and that's c me now u dont was on the ground low but now I'm off in the sky so high floating up above everybody gotta happy place I just want u to find it I wish on everything I would be where u found it but wishing dont do a thing and hope dont bring the same it's all pain it's insane but I got to find a way to not give a f bout what people say or what they think why they always play like my heart is a dart board and they throw all day leaving holes empty all in me so u see the real me I cant see clearly I'm just me apart of something I shouldn't be but God I thank for the opportunity all the things u do for me if I remembered u more we wouldn't do all this arguing stressing bout a girl I tried to make my world it's so damn hard didnt know at the start list a piece of my heart years lived in the dark was afraid of the shadows creeping on me trying to take what's yours they want my soul but it belongs to you jesus and Sophia to I look like a fool every day I'm just so thankful that ik yall got my back even through death it's just a quick pain and then the pearly gates all my family from the beginning of days you on the throne jesus to your right spear in his side wont forget his sacrifice so help me sacrifice myself so my family will survive it's so hard to let go of me feel like if I do I wont ever get to see what I could really be but that is selfish so I gotta check my self in to you your rehab almighty God I'm a man with a broken heart a couple scars people see me but they dont look real hard and I dont tell em either it's just a constant struggle trying to ease my pain when ig pain is the only thing keeping me safe after all the things that I could say lord I dont want to be rich I dont be a dick I dont wanna have it all neither do I wanna think at all really the one thing I would ask for is to make yourself know to all my kids cuz after all when I die that's all that's left and if they dont get one thing from me let em have this last request cuz I feel like going out early due to all the stress who woulda guessed that I could be a mess and look like shit I got to get away from here and by here I mean where I'm at in my head I'm playing chess against the best call him who he is Lucifer the proud one trying to take what's left and what's fucked up is he waits till I'm at my lowest point then offers me the world and chance to be a God the temptation that came from the garden hes been saying shit since he started he know his time is running low so he starts where he know he can get the most and them people hurt so bad they sell their souls like they really know they they dont want what they thought they did power corrupts even the most righteous men and money to me leads to greed the rich get richer while those who need it wont ever get to see so God this is who I am this is how I feel I hurt so bad now I cant hold it in it's either let them who try to push my buttons win or get it off my chest like this I call it bliss it's a gift from the holy spirit ty lord for all your wisdom rain it down Ik now more than ever in my time of need i always seem to feel u in the air round me which makes you closer to me than it really seems so close in fact i just imagine u being my dad and everything goes great the first time through out all time but we only one life and it's an hell of an experience it's tough but i can make it through i been focusing on other shit but you i remember now you still got me like u did before no matter what they say or how many times i fail today i trust and have faith in the God of all things u see me u always have uk my soul you know my bad you my life you paid the price so i could survive after life you just are so amazingly crazy i cant tell u how much it surprises me that i feel u here all around me ok your hear 10p% wont doubt it used to but that lead me to the stupid things i did cuz i doubted your power and i cursed myself so you couldn't get in till i let you back in my heart with faith full grown and a new start let people think what they want I'm keep writing till I fucking die I'm a keep shooting till u hear my cry been through worse than this to be honest if it's in your will please let me stay here and have no fear cuz the demons whispering my ear getting close to tearing me away from all I care so just help me show em help me show em what it is they really need help me to be a way better lead I'll work the job and still come home and clean and now I got t by ed chance so I got to take this thing and frankly I gotta make it my hitch every day is gonna be hard but you never gave me anything I couldn't deal with I might not think I can but the truth is t by through you all things are possible uk that's the beauty of life it's simple and difficult like a roller coaster loop de loop I always overthink things that shouldn't even be on my brain one day oh yes one day it all go away I gotta try my hardest or else they wont see me trying so I gotta give up myself and stop the crying and start the grinding all I b.f wants enough ty lord your always enough keep me from punching any holes in the walls or accidentally trendy in the jaw I catch myself wanting to get rid of it all sit and think all night long it works for me it's how I get along I wish u didnt have to make such a beautiful woman button so fucking