I wish life loved me, I wish I didn't make the wrong CHOICES I did, I wish things were different, but it's too late, there's no second chances, what's a mom without her kids, dead, I guess that's why it's called dreaming. My life today I didn't expect. Didn't think I would be living the life you once did. i always told everyone, i would never turn out like this. Instead I went through everything, completing the list even checked off drugs and choosing a man over my own fucking kids. I suffered from all the fucked up childhood shit, neglection, drugs, scared my eyes for good. Never really understood until I got the disease of unconditional love. I wish I could see the future, but my eyes aren't seeing clearly. The past has fucked up the present me so now I'm stuck here repeating history. I don't know who I am anymore. But I know who I try to be, someone that's not you, that's just my reality. For the people that judge me and say I'm crazy, y'all know only god can judge me. Positive turned to negative. Blue turned to gray. Bad decisions i made, followed by pain. Lifes not a game, I wanna play. I wish life loved me, I wish I didn't make the wrong choices I did, I wish things were different, but it's too late, there's no second chances, what's a mom without her kids, dead , I guess that's why it's called dreaming. I'm TIRED of life, TIRED of fighting to feel a little right, my minds deteriorating. I'm losing this fight. I tell the ones I love I'm fine, everything's gonna be alright. But truthfully im screaming help me on the inside. darkness has always been there when I couldn't count on the light.!. How do you survive when your life robbed you blind and you only have darkness on your side? You dont. That's why I'm not even alive. Present me had no future the whole time. I was scared of the women I turned out to be and i knew no one could save me from me. I know y'all won't see this, probably don't even remember me, I hope yalls foster parents took care of you kids, and I hope y'all grow up living the life I wanted y'all to live. A life I never did. Samuel and stormy please now this. Mommy loves y'all, one day we'll meet again. Untilled then ill be waiting, smiling down from heaven. I'm sorry. One day I hope my family sees, why I thought my life was not worth living. I hope yall forgive me. Stay strong, for me, I couldn't I was weak. I love y'all, don't worry I'm resting in peace. I wish life loved me, I wish I didn't make the wrong choices I did, I wish things were different, but it's too late, there's no second chances, what's a mom without her kids, dead, I guess that's why it's called dreaming