ig I should introduce myself. my name is blankaltair, sitting in a freezing car, its 5:30 am I'm waiting to get started on work, here I am. January snow flood the city over. it's all white out here, I feel like crossing over, start to heal. I enjoy being alone, it gives me time to think, time I spent diffrent at home, I focus on everything and everyone, but not my own, health. my mind hurts and it often sends me to places I dont want to go, my body aches at times when I dont know where to go, my heart stops when I dont know what to do, everyone says that I'm okay, they thinks I'm fine. I get I havent seen a doctor in a very long time. but I have you by my side, right, right. money is the cause of most pain, but here you are still playing these games. wanting me to waste 5 years of my life, just so you can have a slight chance of starting yours. I dont feel alive. I have a problem. anger issues, maybe mental issues, weed fixes t4hese but I dont have the money or resources for a constant supply of it. so what's left talking to people about it ? maybe pay some lady with a degree to listen to me for an hour ? atleast she stfu and listens. my miss my old days. when I lacked emotion always out alone in these streets, I had the right devotion. working souly for me. doing things that dint make me hood but brought me a lil closer to the end goal. now I have a little girl, who I love to death. but it can get hard taking care of of both of you without ripping of my head. I use to get money and keep it to myself, but since then I had to get money the right way, the tax way, fuck this ima do this my way now, listen up this is just my beggining, I dont want you to vow i want you to listen but just tell me you'll be there when I need the help, we dont have to yell, no matter what happens I will go through hell, until the tugging in the back of my head stops, I'll ring bells meaning I'm ready to walk through those doors, I'll hold you deep, take care of you, I'll bleed for through life aslong as your prepared to face me, in your future. until then I'll learn to take care of myself. working, growing, I'm working your growing together, your gonna teach me patients, in return I'll give you wealth. you do more for me than I let on, ...health. I need to do things better. I'll make money, make all of you happy, this is not a letter I wont settle for less, Ima make the bank swell up. sleep tight, just please sont press your face up against the bars, ... heh you dont ever use a blanket either.