im so depressed all the time and all i do is get high off of whatever i can and its been that way since i was 14. mabey if dad didnt die on me then i would be successful and not so restless but what can one do when youve been this way for so long. im crying out for help on the inside but never find the right kind of peace that i need. for awhile things got better when i turned 21 and met my wife who saved my life at that point in time. and for awhile she replaced that emptiness inside that was crying out in pain. but now shes left me all alone and never talks to me at all. so im back to how i was from the start of all of this crying out inside again now.