another night, so fucking tired, sleep seems obsolete and rare, no appetite, hungry but can't eat, fear tactics, keep my anxiety level high as he'll, in the middle between heaven and hell seems Ike I'm stuck in limbo or the world just is not the same as it used to be seems to be against me, try to do the right thing, company I can trust I seek misplaced, ostracized and bastardized, feel like everyone are rabbits and I'm the carrot on the fishing line. for everyone to chase, not competitive but constantly feel like I'm in a race that has no finish mate, it's like a human hunting game constantly legging it from some shit i dont and can't comprehend. like st Patrick, but the snakes that follow the sound of the pipe, not the reptilian but the slippery human type. life flipped upside down, hard to tell between a laugh and a smile, who's taking the pass and who is genuine, hate having to be cautious of everyone, over analyze, bastardised and isolated, people get fed misinformation and defamation, don't understand, how life can change so drastically, empty plate when I reach the end because I let everyone push infrint again, undue judgement and 24/7 fucked with, would like my life back can't comprehend the way its been missed, safety and comfort to sleep is something I no longer have, I miss my family feel like I'm on my own, extra terrestrial or a different breed. would like peace and my life back , not hijacked, I'm not an npc in a game like gta, not a game to play, Rollercoaster ride, freak show on display for people to point at and laugh, observe and taunt, Harris,. stalk and think it's a joke or a laugh, never depressed but a bit disspaired, think my life is a joke or a laugh trying to succeeded, improve my life but it's constantly spike stripped and the tyres are punctured, like Jim carry in the Truman show, it's bullshit when everyone lies to your face for years, aware but no one has the heart to care, the ones close to you and the tag along, demonic, sadistic who knew life could be like this people aren't all shit but some need to learn some basic social skills anxiety rides my breathing so drinking seems to dull it down, not ideal, a year of rehabi voluntarily no possession charge and I. 36, never been to jail joined the army instead, should have stayed miss the pride and purpose, lost without a daily way to follow hey