It’s so lonely in here. But where is here. Let me show you Ricky I’m right down here. But who are you and why did you come back. You are fucked up traumas I thought I put in my past. The ones that have not spared me from fading so damn fast. Do you know what beatings are? Let me guess No? Well here’s the scars. It started at a young age. My daddy didn’t like me so I collected all his rage. I remember laying there and praying and nothing ever changed. Remember what you did to me. You scared me to the bone. And killed all my dreams because you felt alone. But you don’t know what alone is. But I bet I can tell you. Sitting in a prison innocent and not guilty. While you were out here smiling and thinking you won’t filthy. But I gotta get this out before it takes away my soul. It’s a fucked up way to treat a little boy. Rushin roulette do you remember that. I was scared to death and feeling now I lack. You made me numb, you made me feel the fucking hurt. So just lay back and show me how it works. Because I been here before sitting with my demons. I’m waving the white flag I’m callling fucking treason. So let me write it down and spit it on a track. Maybe then you’ll see why these feeling a really lack. You hurt me motherfucker and I trusted you. While the ones I thought really loved me watched me beaten black and blue. You know why when you hear my story you know it’s really true. Because I really fucking lived it. It’s not easy to do. So I will write one more line and send it out to you up in heaven. Or I don’t know for what you did to me you scars are not forgiven. That’s why when you passed you told me that you loved me. I wished you really would have cause you took it all from me. No kid should ever feel that way. 16 penny nails and a leather belt I wished you would have killed me. But you dragged me down the stairs and I remember every fall. So you could feel dominant and I had to crawl. Crawl up in a ball. And cry my fuckin eyes out. While my sibling sat back watching knowing I took what he would have gave to them. But I’m a man rite and I can handle it cause I was so fucking bad rite. Nope I was just damaged. Damaged ain’t the word. I don’t know what is. But yall left me and now you hate me for being addicted because of something I have to relive every damn day from when we were kids. But thanks a lot yall you taught me how to feel. It’s no nuts no glory let me take another pill. You taught me that I can’t trust. And I’m scared of love and affection. And it’s all because of a dad who had nothing but aggression. I will never be shit you stupid fucking slob. Then turn around and beat me all my innocence robbed. But I will keep on living it’s been 40 years. And I still sit here and bottle up my fears. So if you catch what I’m saying child abuse is real fucked up. It took all my freedom and ripped out my heart. But fuck the pity, and don’t tell me yall are sorry. Because everything I did to save you from that evil person called dad, Then turn around and forget me and you wonder why I’m mad. You wouldn’t make it not one damn day living in my shoes. So don’t tell me your sorry cause there’s nothing left to loose. My poem was rite that’s why I follow my thoughts because it’s the prime fucking reason that I made it this far. You ever think about questioning that you endured more than me. I gotta laugh that off cause don’t wanna know. Seen some evil fucking shit on this road called life. The inside of a asauphagus ripped out by a knife. I had to watch another man take another’s life. And just hold up that ain’t it. Oh yeah maybe it is cause the rest you count fucking fathom it. The smell of iron and the evil forces felt. Will fuck yiu up mentally and make you cry for help. See too all those who thought they knew me. Believe me you don’t . Because that little boy got trapped in his early years taking all y’all’s pain. So that now y’all can turn your back and act like you’re in pain. Fuck it here’s another song. Write it up spit it out and hit the fuckin bong. Rip dusty I miss you bub