I'm sitting in a dark room crying to myself because I am hopeless, alone, homeless, momentarily broke, and now with congestive heart failure, with a defibrillator, a walking cane, and five pills daily. My life expectancy is five years. I am slowly giving up. I don't want to die like this, but I am slowly giving up because nothing is getting better. Everything I do never works out like god, the devil, and everyone hates me or something. I hate everything about myself right now because I went from a happy healthy man to a sad salty unhealthy man. I don't know what to do or who to converse with. I go for weeks without being around people. This pain it's too much for me. But the last time I talked a fake therapist, mental health or someone, all they did was tell me that my problems were little compared to others. Being positive or negative gets me the same results, nothing. It made me feel like I was being pathetic and that my issues weren't important enough. People are suffering more than me. I do not want to converse about it with anyone else since then. All this is affecting me very much. Like i said I don't want to die but I'm slowly giving up. I've never been close to ending my life before but I hate myself like this. No person on the suicide hotline can stop me if I want to kill myself. Honestly, I'm not going to kill myself it's just a thought that's running through my head at times