Still can’t believe I’m sat here thinking bout this fucked up life By this point I’m spose to have a car, a crib, a wife A little girl or boy that I’m supposed to tuck in at night Every day another struggle, every evening a fight This shit ain’t right, I mean what am I actually here for? My brain is fucking exhausted and my heart so goddamn sore Used to be I had a plan, and man, I always wanted more Never wanted them to see me like the mat outside a door I’m fucking sure, and I’m so tired of being so damn sick Be hiding in my closet, autism got me like a dick Trapped in these four walls, while my dudes out there getting their licks My friend asked if I still drink more than a bit Said it’s the bud that I hit And this chick I met so sweet, don’t matter that she’s fine Cuz my ex fucked me up and I dont know where to draw the line We talk all the time, I swear her mental’s so divine But instead of making moves I just been asking God for signs And I still rhyme, I just don’t be posting all that I got Be embarrassed that I’m still so down, but life hard as a rock I don’t know how to heal and I don’t know where to stop Sometimes I think of baby boy and I still fucking drop I’m fucking shocked, I mean, how do I deserve this? Wake up every day that passes and I just get more pissed When I go outside, all I think of is taking risks Aint the money but the love and stability I miss And getting kissed, cuz lately I been feeling cold and lost on this earth Lied to everyone when I said I don’t wanna be under the dirt This life, it hurts, there’s no waves for me to surf Only tsunamis crashing into me, I be making things worse Got niggas who lurk, circling like sharks who jump at opportunity And this is real life, no coming back after the movie, B No magic romance that’s ever gonna move in me No reason I shouldn’t actually be soothing me I’m losing see, lost my love, my baby boy and my mental If you asked me write my name, I’d have to write with a stencil Cuz my hands are so damn shaky, like I did something so sinful But all I’m doing is surviving, shit should be more simple In winter, all I do is cry and think of ways to end this pain Even my mom is questioning if I’m going insane 23 the worst year of my life, need things to change I can’t continue to fucking go cry in the rain Nothing’s the same, but it’s not the switch up that I need I need my bubba to come back, it’s only him I wanna feed It’s him I wanna grab and keep forever with me I know it’s selfish when he was hurting, but I’m filled with all this greed Wish they’d grieve me, I know it sounds fucked but I feel so empty I know I’ll never go to heaven if I’m the one who has to end me I put on this mask, but every day I’m just pretending I don’t know how to keep going, and death, it sounds so tempting Dont think I’ll ever live a normal life so, God, could you please send me?