I can't help it I wish I could turn my mind off Just once, even for just a moment I wish I didn't think the way I do It's like I'm stuck You know, why do I choose to believe the lies I tell myself? It never stops, I'm just constantly putting myself down I'm feeling like I'm drowned in my surroundings I'm searching for that acceptance, I haven't found it I'm having trouble breathing from everything that is happening I'll go without support before I ever have to ask again These bottled emotions, I'm opening 'em now I'm living reckless though I'm throwing in the towel The recipient of torture, why do I do this to myself? Why do I put myself down then refuse to ask for help? I'm hanging on through all the hurricanes and thunderstorms I'm yelling I am strong then I smack it with an underscore I could run away but I would rather face my problems As I'm dealing with my depression from wintertime to autumn I paint a picture of such a desolate derelict I need to stop the self-abuse but I don't care to quit I'm willing to go the extra mile so I don't self-destruct Let's talk about this agony and now I've had enough My back's against the wall, accustomed to the pressure Pessimism's creeping in, I'm praying it gets better I remember the moments, didn't have a friend in sight Thinking it was easier to call it quits and end my life My fractured personality and distorted perception If I choose to cut you off, it's simply more for your protection Don't ask me why I'm quiet, let me mmind my own business Truly hope I made an impact by the time that I am finished I'm feeling empty, I got nothing left to give Everyone has fallen dead around me, how do I expect to live? I feel the anger as I calmly make a fist Attempting to get vulnerable, I have to take a risk Mentally exhausted and physically I'm drained Suffocated by the guilt, it's forcing me to change The doubt and hesitation's flowing, pumping through my veins As I recollect on happiness, now nothing is the same I find it strange the fact that millions know my name But that has never gave me confidence, it's only brought me shame I'm saying it's my fault but I am not the one to blame You see I never felt that comfort as they hauled me in restraints I'm alright though, I'm gonna be okay I'm doing what it takes for me to see another day With any worry that I have, I throw it in everyone's face Now I try to practice faith but there's moments I fear the future I'm not afraid of using again I'm afraid of fucking failing The person that I'm viewing in the mirror's my assailant I'm beating myself up with any object I can hold I'm telling myself I'm useless and these comments that are cold My mental health is damaging, I'm feeling like I'm stranded All alone in the unknown and I am only tryna manage My reactions to the feelings that I'm feeling, I'm in pain I truly can't believe this is the person I became I'm followed by this gloom and many days it's hard to smile I choose to be alone, I struggle with these larger crowds I'm accomplishing a minor goal then striving to the next Yes, my children is the only ones I'm trying to impress And anyone that wants to judge me, judge me, I don't give a fuck I'm not the one that pulls you down, I'm the one that lifts you up My heart hurts, why am I staring at the floor? Anxiety is rising, I can't bear it anymore How do I stop these obsessive thoughts? I'm just wishing, holding on until I'm less distraught I show a blank expression as I'm suffering in silence I'm holding it together but my spirit's slowly dying Chaotic circumstances, I prefer to dwell in misery I know there's a solution but this agitation's killing me You love me then you hate me but your words will never break me So I'm following you God to anywhere you wanna take me