when you know you know they say I let my self go and my pride want let me live because I live a fairytale that I don't understand I was wrong karma cutting my air off to now its life after the after math this is a test to a testimony I get better in due time right now just missing my better half just asking God why do I carry baggage that made me bitter to someone that loves me and treat me like king I don't understand why is it so hard to make amends and get better pray going through a spiritual growth its hard spending money on fortune tellers that don't really know my future they just know am unstable spending money on shit that may are may not exist are do I believe in the higher power hard to tell I just hope guide guides me through the depression try not look at my cold steel every where I turn I see the grim reaper with roses this is the cause and effect tarot cards got me disappointed and and frustrated wishing I could get back to what I use to be my pride want me to go back but not with past but to my future with out the present in physical form mental therapy with music to get me through go deeper in my zone still reaping what I sew and not benefits beneath me can't get by the devil on my shoulder possessed to see the light before the light flash and I see who really in my corner no justice are peace for snakes telling me this and telling my that when they not even self evaluated and going through the motions with emotions spilling out the sky from tears of pain are is It joy I find my self esteem in th3 mist are do I count my days down and let God guide me through the journey I wrote some of realist shit that bothers me drastically changes that I provoke get jammed up because of my actions even though I never put my hands on you I see words hurt worst then violence that was my karma with the law and lie to see me drown even though I never knew when I close my eyes I wake up and don't see you and I don't get to see u are feel touch insecurities run through my mind because I never let go of the past and why is it hard to forgive and move on then hurt soul mates long distance ain't the question it's who around that makes you happy mentally and will never leave but only keep it real with you through their past experiences of someone that understand my not just compatible with the signs significant to true nature