yeah i sit ponder everything ive ever done sit and ask everyone when the hell ima e alright. i know gods still here i just gave uo on trying i lie to myself every day and night i cie and lie to everyone tell em im alright but im fuckin dead inside. i grew up in a broken home mom wasn't around and dad was on dope had no mentor no fuckin hope. i had to find my own way in life it came with lonely nights and suicidal thoughts. i cut just to ease the fuckin pain. yeah my great grandma died and i cried and thats when life became shii and i truly wanted to die. my whole family fell apart. some went to drugs and others just left . i try and cope but on the low im fuckin lost. fuck everything and everyone i tried I really fuckin did. dont call me a bitch for crying when you dont know half the shii ive been through. if you ever had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd get bored but spend a minute in my head and you gonna wish you was fuckin dead. yeah i Carry so much dread i cant wait to be fuckin dead. bc at least then ill be at peace. but untill then im stuck in my head all alone im this war. i ain't got any friends or family anymore they all left. so ig its time for me to leave to. i cry whenever i put this nine to my mind. then i ask myself why.