lately I feel like I'm behind enemy lines like Owen wilson trying not to catch a flying bullet while running to stay alive cause i got people gunning for my life hoping to hurt me to the fullest when they pull it, it's crazy I don't know what I even did to deserve these people so conscerned with me they wanna hurt me and make people hate me so bad that they wanna see me on the dirt and be Swayze, gone and killed untill they're finally fulfilled that I'm dead not knowing I've built so much guilt, so much pain, so much dread inside my own brain that I hate myself more then any of them put together can and feel worthless to the full extent and my ex just sent me my last text telling me she's fed up and filled not forgiving me for the last thing that I said making me wanna take more meds and snort this blow till I blow the roof off my head on purpose feeling that people hate me all the time and not knowing why the hate keeps building is a shitty feeling when they wanna see you get killed and knowing to them it'll be a good feeling , I'm no one im just a good civilian who grew up in the hood with a shitty hand when GOD was dealing out the deck feeling like I could at one point turn my hand around but now not knowing why this hate keeps continuing and going down feeling disrespect like It's something i should have had figuring out by now but im so self concious i even doubt the thoughts that i block out of my thought process, wow talk about a hot mess Im so pathetic I've lost it, I used to be so confident, athletic, copestetic energetic hopeful and electric optimistic girl's thought i was a hot topic in life making me feel like I was alot to process, shit i thought i was gifted and gonna make a profit off it, instead i sold narcotics and did them so much that i hit rock bottem coming close to putting myself in my own coffin often almost dead, putting myself in my own prison losing alot of wisdom, I guess you can say I took alot of blunts to the head of my finest crops at times I still go deep inside my subconscious mind once I'm blazed off the pot in a haze I try and find my 3rd eye like a blindspot and find a thinner line intertwined with my sinners mind thoughts I try to unwind those knots to unbind myself from the inner minds of my own opps and be inclined to decline my own plots to try to be gentle while I undermind myself and better my mental health no sense in trying to commense an attack of offense since I've been taught immensely how to end enemies defensively and relentlessly bring more men to their knees then bruce lee when he fought in real life so intentionally with such brute force and intensity you'll lose course if you stepped in the center ring you'd be wasting your time so just stop and meditate, deep dive inside your own mind and fight the current that's currently pulling you under like and ocean tide with and under toes swim toop the surface hard and when you subside the water weight just float there for a long while relax and just levitate, I just bought a brand new yacht and the islands are my great escape a perfect getaway ignoring stupid fights along the way they're not meant to help me in any way level up or elevate if I did embrace it I'd probably stay complacent try not to chase it or spend time or energy wasted like a shot of henny and a tab of mdma i can still taste it so tit for tat ill lace it till the pot is deadly like an evil con call conevil cause it gets your heart racing once its laced with some super strong fetty and once the opps are gone pop the corn and pop the confetti yall can call it tom petty betting yall ain't close to ready to get done in by some super heavy dose of liquid smoke that aint no joke leaving you laid out on the fucken ground choking off your own vomit stuck inside your fucking throats esophagus is clogged like a dick when I put it down my exes throat yall should always have that antidote that narcan ready for an overdose and never take any offered hits for free. off an anonymous blunt no matter how good the weed, lesson learned, it's a blessing in disguise your alive open your eyes while your still high, weightlessness like your in space, spaced out like a space cadet with a graceless spaciousness feeling making you feel great like several weights have just been lifted completely off your plate making you feel great like your healed but its the way he cuts a deal that'll seal your fate into a death sentance and it's the entrance to the devils gate don't venture it, don't enter it I'm trying to save your life don't mention it. if you gotta think twice you might already be a fucked given attention to it.