first draft this one is for the homies still in the streets riding grinding pushing on and still smiling fighting for the joy the blessings only we know we see. your my supporters you seen i needed to do better thank you for the constant reminders all the nights i cried for better days you seen who i was and knew i was better than the life i was trying to portray heres just a vision of myself from my own eyes i was dying inside and out looking for my lord who made me my soul was aching to get out of the street life i was on the wrong road wrong paths its amazing how fast life can get fucked up when i was out there doing the drugs the roll of a bowl the alcoholic swallow i didnt think of the situations i put myself in it wasnt no one elses doings for the choices i made i wil never forget losing my families trust yeah that was more than heavy denying my kids of the motherly love they was missing losing my sisters trust now she wont even speak to me look at me see me but its ok sha shana marie because i know now where i fucked up your sisterly love i know is still there one day ill see you again ill be sober and no im not scared i know i hurt your heart following daddies past yeah i see that now we both are still going through the history of molestations beatings underlining problems we cant bare for any of our children to see but you know what i get it now homie your love never left me just my sight just because i couldnt see it with my own eyes i lost myself in my own lies i told myself i couldnt ever be truly loved so i held my standards lower than what i was capable of you know sis i see now one day soon im gonna make you proud of what i found in myself i opened my heart up to god and asked him to forgive myself for being so ignorant so stupid i asked him to help me mend the relationship i lost with my kids now that im clean i have a lot i need to fix to mend see i had to do this for myself i had to send myself off to get help but you know what i seen that hurt me the most i missed my sister's love the calls on the phone the hour long visits when we was sitting at home the protector whod do anything for me if she seen i was hurt the gangsta inside you when you seen i was down you built me back up from honesty you never let me down i let you down homie so hats off to you sis for doing your job you was never hateful you was just tired of watching me fuck up im droppimg the mic on this song because i know now i hurt you your soul im sorry sis now its time for me to grow up im sorry for the messed up past i left in your thoughts im sorry for not being the person you knew i could be im sorry for the lies i told myself of self medicating thinking i set myself free when all i did was trap myself in my own prison of what god only knows hell could be. im sorry i lost myself to the streets im lucky it took me along time to get over the anger i held inside it was never toward you it was toward myself for letting my addiction take hold on my heart blinding me to the family tree i see you sis i really do this time forgive me for my past help me grow im not done with recovery i have along time to go but support me now and know this the little girl you miss the sissy who took off running to hide behind alcohol and drugs is coming back sorry sis for all the pain i caused you im doing good now just let me know when i can call you i couldnt find a better wsy to apologize to you... love you girl your my rock and im missing you