final 26 rehab at a glance from my perspective people doubted me saying bad things bad words saying i will never make it looking back all i can say is thank you to my higher power for pushing me so low to the ground the devil almost got me trapped me holding me down until i couldnt breath i had to fail myself for me to open my eyes i seen i needed the help so i fell to my knees once again praying to god to help me he provided a devine intervention what else would you call it i was at my lowest point in life disappointing my children and family several times over again why couldn't i stop it i was always crying making myself beleive i was fine when all i was doing was reaching out to people who never seen who i could truly be that was a lie i once again said lying about certain people in my path they all told me i was better than the life they lived that i wasnt meant for the streets it took one person for me to see one thing he said you told me you miss the person i use to be well i miss the girl i grew up with your momma done raised her kids your better than this shit girl why you fucking acting like you dont know what the fuck to do beleiving your own lies chasing all the wrong guys who just fucking hurt you i hurt you to scare you but i see now i just love you for who you use to be it fucking hurt hitting my heart my chest filled up with a sadness ill never regret fuck around bet is what i said in my head he was right i was living the lies i told myself that the self medicating was soothing it kept me moving filling my head with bullshit that nothing could stop me i see now its holding me back along with my potential to do better to be a good mother making my own self beleive my own lies that i was on top of the world when i was only declining falling dropping my guard when i was out there in the streets doing the most i was ashamed of myself when it finally hit slapping my self in the face for all the damage i caused for my kids im in a cali rehab now doing my best to complete the 12 steps im progressing further through the programs provided coping and dealing with my past feelings are high im excited freeing myself from being a toxic alcoholic i cant thank the good lord above enough for everything for forgiving me for all my mistakes giving me another chance for myself at life you see im not here to fake it to make it im not court ordered im doing this for me dedicating my self to a year in sobriety saving myself from the toxic people who used me the devil in my ears its hard yes the first month in detox i will never forget rehab might not be for everyone this is just me laying down another track for my kids to see. after a year kids of working on just me mommy will be able to say hey look at me kids im clean i may have fucked up the past lives we shared but mommies done with all the bullshit and i want to be there.