SeCrET(ADDICTION) im wide awake tryna play it off but my gurl knows somethin is aray but coke got me high as a kite im losing count of the days pretending im sober is like having a job that doesnt pay girlfriend's getting fishy and pissy to a point where she bout to cave so I put on my kicks and walk away ckme back when she cant tell whats real or fake these secrets got me walking around like a zombie when the moon drifts away rays of sunshine bounce off my aviater shades hiding my suspicious gaze i walk in the house next mourn with a grin and reasons why im coming home so late walk into the house she's so mad that she wants to fukin break she not stupid she knows my tells quiet and her eyes have a scary glaze asking questions that she knows the answers too but my secrets will be buryied deflected cause i take my truths to the fkn grave its not the best of me i can honestly be proub to claim my secrets make me feel disappointed to the point i look in mirror and feel betrayed these secrets have a hold on me so tight im afraid to say anything but at the same time i get high off by making people believe im a saint sory if im fkd up but secrets made me this way secrets in my head make me feel like they controlin everything that i speak secrets in my head will always make me feel like a puppet on a string secrets in my head outnumber the truths i cant even remember what to beleive secrets in my head haunts me in my sleep these sexrets i keep i bury so deep will bever leave cause these secrets will be tge final death of me but who know when that will be my mind been obsolete for weeks counting goin on about 3 but i could be mistaken it could be 33 all i know im lost in my thoughts numb and having lucid dreams with my eyes open no my secretes will not be freed im head first like a qb sneak secret after secret im on a 7 secret streak then i saw my gurl and everything went out window with a blink she knows me better than i know me now im stuck wondering why i make myself lie through my teeth so many times i thought i was veing smart and can get away scott free jus to get away with nothing but my family hurting from deceit so i sit here with this addiction do these drugs with conviction I'm stuck in a guillotine and can't tap out of the submission so I keep lookin to religjon im on a mission like jahova witnesses walk and walk till i admit my life is secretly fictiin twitchin seeing tracers until i get blurry vision also with the weed im hittin got my eyes squintin when i mix these drugs it sends me to a different dimensions thinkin to myself how i can just quit making myself the center of attention other times with one bullet in the barral sometimes that question gets a visit but i dismiss it suicide is jus an easy way to escape your reality but you leave everyone in a schism when your six feet under wuth no ability to give them closeure how can you ask for forgivness you make em wonder y and they cry till there drowning in issues they ask y you choose drugs over us and you never get a chance to show em your better than this curse that is addictiction but eventually they slowly lose their faith as it diminishes then your jus another gimmic with a sscret walkin a tightrope with alot of tensiin then your mental goes in question start thinking you do alot of drugs to keep things suspenseful its like you cant find peace unless you turn your loved ones against you she get angry that the life we created before was once so blissful now its like it disappeared in thin air its still there jus invisible you break her in a way where she down to her last leg she gets high so she can relate but in the long run but its only gonna makd her more more irate she forgets she in a high speed chase with a guy who never gives and only takes selfish is my middle name im not proud of who i became or how i got this way buts facts are now were on the same level of crazytrain pick at eachother brain till were both making the other feel like there the one to blame i tell you i love you and promise you i will change you tell me same shit differ day dont feed in to my lies cause you been burned more times than a candle on its last flame but its too late now she no longer feels anytging but deceit and hate cause you choose drugs over your family that you thought that was more important than being strait now you have to live with your self centered decision you made with no idea what it may create now yoj have to watch it all blow up in your face threw it all away cause your wilpower couldnt save you from drugs now your drowning in your mistakes and in a flash seen it all go up in a blaze chain reaction of destruction is on the way start by losing our jobs in a matter of days seeing eachother at our lowest so we keep eachother down pointing fknvers sayinv the other one is to blame tainted love got us in a twisted fate secrets i never say got her feeling dumb and betrayed her words of weapons cut deep like razor blades no emotion no more pain she spoke cold as wind blowz in artic rain drugs losing its affect now mind able to rewind and think with reality sinkin in now all i feel is shame i abused the one i loved cause i let the demon insids me have a saythat controled me in a variety of ways like he needs my inner demons to make me feel lkke this is my only fate shell of my former self i watch myself begjn to lose self-control in horrible way her looking at me with hurtful eyes of disgust, confusion, and eventhally with dismay when you push someone past they morals they eventually want you to feel some of their pain only that pain was once a loving grace now a distant idea of of what happens when you think you control your addiction and tell urself its jus innocent and safe its all rainbows and candycanes it will make you think until your lookkng at your life fall apart now your lost in a darm place when you talk yourself out of sobriety you confident your right you say anythung that makes you feel like it not gonna get you twice u say with pride first time around jus caught me by surprise that you got it under control but know you as a realist you jus spittin bullshit lies make yourself feel your not like these other cats that are strung out losing the fight you not weak as next addict who only thinks about chasing highs but still go against your best instinct and then after falling for it you fkd up and get high takes over your life whenever it's all said and done that lil bag of fun turns your life spinning with one bumb addiction has me feeling like sobriety done been evicted cocain hell of a drug needs no convincin lock your ass up in a mental prison full of regret and these secrets are some of the symptoms overpowerwd by a subsbstance made to destroy humans with bad intentions but make you feel like more like prob will go away like a 2o year sentence secrets jus another way of saying you wont catch me snitchin this was a rough ass time in my life where i kept those secrets hidin never got me anywhere except starting over too many times and them days i sure dont miss em words of advice listen to my wisdom