i was going through a time where my thoughts my mind was so fucked up i couldnt stand it wondering why im so damaged childhood past who knows the psych said here you go girl take all this take all that feeling dizzy weazy sadness came over me thoughts of suicide played a roll in my heart the medication didnt help self medicating became a start of something new drugs drinking ashamed of myself for even just a fraction of the things i went through just to get rid of the pain in my heart my head why do i feel so fucking depressed no matter what i do its never enough i have 3 kids been in and out of relationships a huge disappointment to my family i found new friends who wanted me to do nothing but bad things thinking hell yeah thats cool running and hustling feeling like i was on top of the world never getting in to much trouble it was a new start to what i thought i wanted disappointing my own self my morals went straight out the window with my faith i began to pray asking for forgiveness but i wasnt answered so i lost my way my faith once again going from place to place just the struggle to survive was having its way not to mention my time in the streets was getting to be to much people began changing even myself it was about the drugs and drinking i need to figure it out what in the hell is wrong with me i can go home anytime i want to but i didn't i still cant stop the sadness depression in my thoughts my heart always wanting to stop another day goes by and just like that i forget about my home life like clock work i begin that start the search for something new something exciting going house to house pushing on and grinding this isnt me i knew it i began driving who leaves there kids for this i began thinking still unaware of why im so fucked up scared and shaking childhood feelings the fear and anxiety began to hit me as i drove past the place that did the most harm to me im going home i felt it my daughter texted me saying mom come home and end this or i am gonna call you nothing but bad things bad names i couldnt stand it i repented of my sins and pulled in the drive way the doors always opened to mommzies no matter what i know a mothers love is never lost no matter how fucked up and lost her daughter was.