adiictions,hate them wish i never had started at 15. If i didn't start them i wouldnt be comdemed by God and other pepole. now i feal like i am slowly falling in this sinkhole. Im tired of strugeling everytime i think im in a good place. i make even more mistakes i wish i knew how to erace. what am i supposed to do with my self. would it be better to die? better to just give up on my life? no its not worth it i still have a life to live. plently of love to give. i just got to stop smoking the weed. cuting myself till i bleed. stop whatching the porn so i can stop growing these horns up on my head. Oh my God feels great when im doing these things. but it not worth all the pain that it brings. all the sadness,depression,and regreat that comes along with it. just isnt worth it. So what do i do? confess it to you,confess it to god,confess it to a pope? what,what do i do with the mess that im in? maby i should go and drink some alcohol to go and maby drown it all. so i can froget about life and all of my problems for a while. i know that wont work tried it to many times. its just tempory like all of the distractions i try to hide it behind. all while im trying to stay alive. afraid if myself and what i am capable of doing to myself and other peple that i love and care about. will i hurt them? will they forgive me? will they excommunicate me for all of the horible things i have done? am i the only one who has these voices inside of my head. telling me all the posible ways my secret can go wrong. i hope not and i know i am not alone because of testimonys from ither people that are going thought the same problems as me. but i feel like there's this weight on my chest. that if i dont get it off i will explode. i'll admit it has gotten better since i have been praying every day. but the strugels still real,still there,i just have to try and manage it now. yha sometimes i fail but sometimes i suceed those are the days where i feel ok. hopefully one day i can get rid of this forever. get back to the days where i didnt know the pain. thats eating me alive from inside. but untill that day i just have to keep fighting the battel. keep praying and struggling and some how hoping that tomorrow will be different. i know its gona be hard,hell its gona be impossible without help from an allmighty god who is allways on my side. but i know i can do it so thats what im gona do. im gona push through all of the pain and huricans that come my way. im gona truge through the mud and rain. until finaly break my chain. then i will have gained experience and from that experience i can help others with the same probles as me. i can give them hipe that it dose get better. that there is a reason to keep on living. that there is a reason to keep on giving.