Yeah I'm stuck sitting alone at home, sitting on my phone writing rhymes in my notes of stuff I bottled inside and won't let go, don't ask me why because I don't know, I have no clue feeling hollow and broke, I'm struggling to cope and I've lost my hope also lost myself amongst this dangerous road, the rope that holds my emotions has broke, I can't hold it together anymore and I'm about to explode with all my held back emotions I bottle inside to anxious to let these thoughts leave my mind, this is my emotional overload I'm letting my emotions go, I'm done with fighting alone I can no longer do this on my own the darkness has completely advanced it has taken over & destroyed any chance of happiness, completely ripped the sun away from my soul taken everything, i had within my mind body and soul, any chance of me getting rid of my depression, pain, anxiety & grief without a sun the darkness takes over completely disabling me being able to see, without a light I can't continue to walk my path of life without the sun shining in the sky my eyes and the power of sight they give dies which means so do I and my chances to survive I don't know how to fight without being able to see the dangers that sit right before my eyes I can't find what I need to so i am unable to fight to try and survive for however long this darkness over runs my mind this Means I have come to the final minutes of my life the hour glass is only minutes from hitting it's deadline calling "grim" to come reap & collect my soul to pass realms to wherever my soul may go, having something that could take my life from me I have tried to fight so hard and to try and do whats right for my blood and all the homies that show me love and respect all the fucking time but i can't I'm.... so... Fucking.... done...... With life I swear, my body is too tired and can no longer run I'm giving up, the demons can have what they desperately want & constantly demand, I don't care anymore, I may as well just put a blade to my arm and slit my wrists end my suffering and pain once and for all, I need a break from all this shit finally have no more battles there's already so many that I've fought, I want to be able to put down my sword so I can chill for a while without fighting all the time actually relax for a while, not have to fight anymore, be done with any war for good, I can't handle this shit, I can't handle the fact of me losing my mother I need her back with me here, I need one of her hugs I need her advice on how to keep on being tough, how do I push through life because that's something I'm stuck struggling with and I've really just about had enough I'm fucking done with this shit, please mum, if you hear me give me a sign, I need your advice, my mind is frozen in time I am lost I need your help finding my path, I need you to be my guide, fuck man where do I even start, everything feels so different here with you now living above, nothing seems right I can't even bring myself to laugh I am just emotionally exhausted from losing a piece to me that means so fucking much, in constant pain, wanting to find my way, to find my escape from this aching pain I feel every god damn fucking day please I need you mum if there is anyone able to teach someone how to always be tough no matter what it's mum she showed strength even kept a smile on when she battled through her 10 months, living in pain and scared knowing that anyday or night she might not even open her eyes that her hearts beat could give up any time of course you would be frightened, scared all the time I know you didn't want to leave us and everything behind but you became to weak to put up a fight any longer telling me now you just want to die, that this war within her body trying to win over her life the cancer weakening her state of mind she did whatever was in her power to try and survive, she never let the cancer change the person she was always within no matter how much she got beaten down and almost beaten to defeat she got back up on her feet and pushed to make sure she never took defeat she always fought and did whatever she could to try and live through the dark bits of life sometimes physical pain and some other time your mental state either way it's an ache that I just want to erase I just hope for better days and that maybe happiness and good things are still possible for me after living through hurtful ways of having loved ones gain there wings and grace then flying away I promise you that this pain we all wish would be something you could just push away and not feel and just be okay